Why Forgiveness Feels So Hard

I’ve spent the last five years doing the kind of deep work that forces you to face yourself. The uncomfortable, unfiltered kind that doesn’t let you hide behind excuses or distractions. Most of it has been rooted in self-development—trying to unlearn old patterns, rebuild better ones, and show up more fully in who I am today. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned that continues to show up and challenge me, it’s forgiveness.

Forgiveness is one of those things that sounds noble in theory, but in practice, it can be really difficult. Not because of what it asks of you, but because of what it forces you to let go of. The anger. The resentment. The need to be right. The narrative that says you’re still owed something. Carrying that stuff feels justified in the moment, but long-term, it will weigh you down more than you realize. You can’t move forward while dragging the past behind you.

And in case forgiveness didn’t already feel hard enough. It turns out that simply saying “I forgive you” isn’t enough. Your body actually has to feel the forgiveness. You can tell yourself you’ve forgiven someone a hundred times, but if your shoulders still tense when their name comes up, your nervous system is still holding a quiet grudge. It’s like taking a test and never seeing your results—did you really pass? Did you really forgive them?

The real test always comes when you’re face to face with that person again. When you have to decide, consciously or not, how you’re going to show up, how you’re going to behave, and what you’re going to say. That’s the moment where the truth surfaces. That’s when you find out if you untangled the knot… or just shoved the headphones back into your bag to deal with later. Because if you don’t handle forgiveness right the first time, those same tangles will show up the next time, maybe even tighter than before.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending something didn’t happen. It means choosing not to let it own you anymore. That’s how you start walking in your present self and finally feel okay with whatever happened.

A few weeks ago, I found myself face-to-face with someone from my past — someone I thought I’d made peace with. It was one of those unexpected moments that tests your growth in real time. All the work I’d done, everything I thought I had healed — it got put to the test. And to my surprise, I passed. My body stayed calm, my mind stayed clear. The growth was real.

So here’s my question for you: How can you move forward with reaching true forgiveness?

And more importantly—

Who have you not forgiven that you think you have?

-G aka the Let-It-Go Guy